Dear Abused Girl ...
Dear abused girl ...
There is hope for you! I know you're secretly hiding what is truly going on in your relationship from the rest of the world. That's what we do to protect someone we love, but understand this:
Who you are and your love for the abuser is NOT defined by their opinion. If they tell you any of these things, do not believe it as difficult as it is.
"You will never find someone who loves you as much as I do!"
"You're fat, ugly, and undesirable - who would want you!"
"You're family makes all your decisions for you - you have no voice!"
"I will change. I won't do it again. I'm sorry!"
"You don't love me. You are doing shady things like XYZ. Is something else going on that I don't know about?"
These are some of the very common things I was told and questioned almost daily! When we love someone so deeply, we become a blanket for their mistakes. We want to believe in them so badly that we cover up what really goes on behind closed doors for fear of judgement. Love is not blind, love is seeing past imperfection and loving the person anyway. But just because you love this person does not mean you have to tolerate any kind of abuse - emotional, physical, sexual, etc!
I lived through emotional and physical abuse for months before I made the decision that the relationship I was in was no longer healthy or repairable. It was a viscious cycle I was trapped in and I knew I had to get out. But how was I to leave?
You know this as well as I do - leaving is hard! And people won't get it unless they've lived through it. You want to believe your abuser is sorry (and most times, they are!) and it won't happen again (but trust me, it will - it's a viscious cycle). You want to hold onto what could be, if things DO change. You feel bad for your abuser if you do leave. You want to prove your love for them by staying. I get it. This was me. As unhappy as I was, it took me months to find my path out.
Some things I learned that I'd like to pass along to you:
- staying in this relationship is not healthy for you or the abuser!
- you will be loved by another in a much greater capacity - this is not the end for you.
- love is meant to be easy in that you don't have to defend your every move.
- you are beautiful inside and out - believe it.
- it will be hard as fuck to leave but you must make peace with your decision and do it!
- tell family and friends what's going on - you NEED support during this time.
- leave when the abuser is NOT home - it's safer for everyone involved.
- become a survivor - no longer will you allow yourself to be treated this way.
- happiness is dependent upon you're self worth - know you're worth more than this.
- take time for YOU. learn about yourself - what you do want in life and what you will not stand for. immerse yourself in a positive group of friends. journal. and never ever doubt your decision to leave.
I know you can do this! Sending you all my love.
Your twin