Mom Guilt
Oct 14, 2020
I know you’re out there mama, struggling with the feeling of guilt.
Guilty for wanting time alone.
Guilty for yelling at your kids.
Guilty for not giving your child the attention she needs.
Guilty for your marriage lacking passion.
Guilty for [insert your mom guilt here].
Truly the list can go on and on but I want to share a story with you today in hopes that you listen and never feel alone when guilt strikes.
On Wednesdays, I get to spend time with my two daughters. Nyla is 5 and Natalie is 2 but quickly approaching threenager. I love this time that I get to spend with them because I know time is moving a lightning speed. They are not going to be little forever and before I know it, both will be in school full time.
I’m always at the top of my game in the early mornings. I wake up ready to conquer the day and my patience level is impeccable, if I do say so myself. This has been a long time in the making - for sure.
They boss me around.
I respond.
They have meltdowns.
I comfort and love on them.
I try to find activities that we can do to have fun and keep them entertained even tho my obsessive nature doesn’t always love the mess that comes with it.
I’m sure you know there is a turning point to this picture perfect day I’ve painted for you. Soooo let’s dive deeper.
As the day goes on, my energy drains. Without a nap break or some way for the kids to not need me for 5 minutes, I get to a point where I want to run away.
Insert this feeling anywhere between 3 and 4pm.
It’s like a switch is flicked.
In my world, I don’t have another ounce of energy to give.
But I give it anyway because that’s what us moms do.
I feel like at any point, I’m gonna snap.
And I do. I lose it with the whining and the constant demands of needing instant gratification.
I pray that the time moves fast so that I can get a break when my husband is done with work.
If he works a minute past or doesn’t show up in the capacity that I need from him, I want to rip his face off. I hate to even admit it, because it sounds so bad.
But with complete transparency, I get annoyed and want to literally escape the feeling of drained.
Here’s the kicker … when I get that moment to myself - I start to feel like a crappy mom.
Guilty for wanting to run away.
Guilty for wanting time to myself.
Guilty for not making more memories.
Guilty for not cherishing what I have at all times.
Guilty for not playing with the kids when they need me.
Guilty for yelling.
Guilty for being mad.
Guilty for not appreciating what I thought I may never have.
And then the guilt ridden questions start ...
How can I not want to relish in everything my kids are?
How can I not embrace motherhood to its fullest?
How can I get so mad at my husband for not knowing what I need, if I didn’t tell him?
How can I work to be better?
It’s the guilt that sets in and feels like an elephant sat on your chest.
I’ve sat with this feeling many, many times. I still struggle with it.
But here is what I’ve learned which I think can help you if you’re out there feeling the same or similar way.
Let’s start with what guilt is.
Guilt, by definition means the fact of committing a specified or implied offense or crime.
Mamas - we are not committing a crime for wanting a moment for ourselves. We didn’t break a law and are more than entitled to recharge.
Weee cannot give what we don’t have.
If I have no energy left.
I have no energy to give.
I once heard this amazing analogy that stuck with me.
Can I share it with you?
Yes, you said? Ok, great.
Let’s pretend you are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and aggressively bumps into you, making you spill your coffee everywhere.
Why did you spill the coffee?
If you’re thinking “because someone bumped into me.” you’re right but also, not right.
You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup. Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled the tea. Right?
The moral is: whatever is inside your cup is what will spill out.
Life is going to come at you and shake you and challenge you to the core. That is FACT. Here’s the thing … whatever you have inside you is going to spill out.
So I want you to ask yourself, what’s in my cup?
When life gets tough (and it will), what spills over?
Is it joy, gratitude, forgiveness, peace, kindness and humility?
Or is it anger, bitterness, envy and jealousy?
Life provides you the cup, YOU choose how to fill it.
Being a mom doesn’t require perfection.
There is NO such thing as the perfect mom.
We must choose to fill our cups with the things that help us show up in the best possible way for our kids. It can mean something different for every mom.
Think of what recharges you.
Is it a nap or an hour to yourself?
Is it getting your nails done or going to the grocery store alone?
Is it going to bed early and waking up early so you are ready for the demands of the day?
It is YOUR responsibility to take what you need so that others aren’t always taking from you.
Being a mom is always going to have its challenges. There are going to be times when we feel like we didn’t show up as we should’ve. And that’s ok. Please know that you are not alone in feeling this way.
Promise me, you’ll do for yourself as you so freely do for others?
And I’ll promise to do the same.
I would love to hear your story on mom guilt if you’re willing to share. You can find me on Instagram and send me a DM. Or you can join my besties list where I share more of these kinds of topics with my email peeps. Click here to sign up.
Until next time, I’m always here for you!