Top 5 Lessons Learned in 2019
Feb 11, 2020
Life is full of experiences - good or bad, each having their own lesson. As I reflect on twenty nineteen, I want to share five lessons that were very unexpected. My hope is that you’ll be able to see a lesson of your own in mine or that you can walk away with some new tips.
For so long I would come to the end of year feeling like a complete failure. I began the year so determined to lose weight, drink more water, cut out sugar, stop mindlessly eating, prep my food, count my calories and damn it - make exercise a lifestyle. And then December would roll around and I’d feel like I failed myself - year over year.
It’s no wonder I felt that way. I would try to overhaul my entire life at one time and get overwhelmed and slowly go to my default setting. You know, back to what was natural or easy.
The beginning of 2019, I decided to make a commitment - not a resolution - to work on my self love. I wanted to work on ME as a whole and not necessarily focus on what I HAD to do but more about who I wanted to become.
If you’re new here or learning of me for the first time, I am a mom to two young daughters. A four and two year old. The more I get into the depths of motherhood with them, the more I want to shelter them from the nastiness of the world but I know I can’t do that.
What I can do though is work on myself so that I can lead them to the best of my ability.
So I want to share five lessons that looking back now - felt like complete darkness during the time I was navigating through it.
Isn’t that how it always feels though?
Let’s start with the one thing I realized throughout the year … I am in control - well, to some degree - of who I allow to influence me.
Influence is defined as the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone.
SOOO essentially this is anything that you allow into your mind or into your life IS influencing you one way or another.
I want to get straight here with you - the biggest influence for me was or IS social media. I would go on to make a post and 20 mins later realize I fell into the black hole. It was like quick sand and I just kept sinking. Woah, right!
I knew I needed to recognize that there were things about social that just left me feeling a certain way. Some accounts that I followed or people I were internet buddies with were super inspirational. I found myself feeling encouraged and motivated.
Then there was the flip-side - the accounts that hated the world and weren’t afraid to be all kinds of negative in their posts. I would read their posts and feel blah from it.
If my feelings were being affected THAT IS influence.
I really never knew the power of the unfollow button until I started using it. It’s so simple yet so many of us don’t use it. Let me tell you this, my friend - use it! Set yourself free of the Debbie Downers and influencers that cause you to feel any kind of negative about yourself.
Another influence I cut out of my life over ten years ago was the news. When I lived in Boston alone, I would watch the news and let’s be honest - it’s usually negative. You rarely see the good stuff of the world. And the news would leave me scared out of my mind because this place was robbed near me or someone got shot not that far away and the person was on the run. I was FREAKED the F out.
So I cut the news out of my life and nights were way more pleasurable for me. I was no longer afraid to be by myself at night time.
So what I’m saying is - find the sources that make you feel any kind of negative and do what you can to eliminate or reduce them in your life. I promise the return on your happiness will be tenfold.
My second lesson was listen to yourself. It’s ok to be scared but don’t allow yourself to talk you outta something that excited you at one time. Take the chance!
This lesson came late in the year when I had recognized that I was lacking adult friendships and conversations in my life. But for me, I am so not into surface level small talk. I want that deep connection that sets me soul on fire. And as a mom who works from home, I found it difficult to fulfill this need I was craving.
And then it hit me … what if I do a podcast? Hence where Table Time was born. I thought back to when I felt most connected to people and that was during my college years. When we would all sit around the table and smoke, we would call it Table Time. And I loved it!!
I got so EXCITED at the idea of hosting a podcast that would allow me to dig in to people. Learn about them. Uncover the truths behind their success. Ask them all those burning questions that people wonder. And selfishly it would fulfill my need for deep connection.
The more I thought about it, the more excitement I had. I texted my husband and he told me to go for it. And then the doubt crept in.
I have never interviewed people before.
I don’t even know how to start never mind record a podcast.
Who is going to want to be on a podcast that hasn’t even started?
I’m not well known enough.
And the doubts just kept stacking.
The more doubt that filled my head, the more anxiety I started to have. I knew I wanted to pursue it for all the reasons I’ve stated but it scared me thinking I could totally fall flat on my face.
So I took away expectations. I wasn’t going to hold myself to anything but fun. The podcast was going to be a way for me to share my message with the world and help others with the things they struggle with. I decided to have a “just try” mentality and so I put it out into the world.
And wouldn’t you know this passion project has been more than I could’ve expected. All the doubt and worry still hits me from time to time but friends, I’M DOING IT!!!
If you’re out there, passionate about something and want to live with purpose - I’m giving you permission TO-DAY to go after it. Just try! And if it doesn’t work out then you at least won’t live with regret of what IF.
Deal? Ok, good!
Because I was all about finding positive influences in my world, I started following accounts that I felt were in line with the person I wanted to be.
Somehow the universe aligned when they placed Jesse Itzler into my feed. If you don’t know who Jesse is then you’ll probably know his wife, Sara Blakely - the creator of Spanx. These two are AHMAZING to follow on social.
Jesse is one standup dude who is going after it. He fuels me in a way that many don’t. I want to get after life when I read his posts or watch his videos. But the greatest thing he taught me this year is that MOMENTS ARE MEMORIES. Build a LIFE resume based on experiences not credentials. Be where your two feet are.
Isn’t that like the best advice, ever?!
He is all about getting out there and doing more. He has a sense for adventure much like my husband. And I couldn’t be any more far off from this than I am. I love being home with my family. So following Jesse has helped me to get out there, be more open to adventure and experiences as those are the memories that we look back on.
So thanks Jesse for helping me to connect with my husband more on a deeper level.
Let’s switch gears, my fourth lesson in 2019 was that kids can be outrageously hard to parent but if you listen, they are usually telling you what they need, in their own little way.
I’ve been VERY open about my parenting journey with my oldest daughter who just turned four in September. Parenting a three year old has probably been the toughest for me next to breastfeeding (which is a topic for another podcast).
I’m going to be totally transparent here - there were times I wasn’t sure I was cut out for parenting. I didn’t think I had the capacity to guide such a little monster!
I would find myself yelling more than I wasn’t. I was a damn broken record of don’t do this and stop doing that.
At night, I would go to bed hoping I could find more patience the following day and that she would know that I’m only coming from a place of deep love for her.
I had to find a way to be a positive influence for her and I was desperate to try anything. Insert a couple who worked with behavioral kids into my life for a totally different reason. Talk about the universe having your back, right? They spoke of a sticker chart and it can help kids feel encouraged and seen. So I asked a million questions and got to implementing.
To my surprise, it worked. And then we slowly got lax about consistency and it would show in her behavior. It helped so much that I’ve written up on sticker reward system and I’ll share the link for it in the shownotes but if you go to my website - heatherfcooper.com, you’ll see it under the FREEBIES section.
She wanted attention even though we felt we were fair with the attention she was being given. Her acting out was a way to get attention. So the closer I watched her, the louder her needs showed.
I applauded the smallest of things. Like if she took a bite of broccoli at the dinner table but spit it out - I got excited that she tried it and she started trying more foods so that we would be excited for her.
When she would act out, I knew it was imperative for me to stay calm, not yell. With my patience and offering of a hug, she would turn around. Threenagers are real but so are hugs!
If you watch and listen, your kids are telling you exactly what they need. How you feel doesn’t matter, they feel validated in how they feel and we as parents must recognize that.
I’m proud to say I survived three and we made it through. Someone once told me that kids go through stages in six month periods of time. That gave me light when I felt I was surrounded by darkness.
And if you’re in the deep trenches of tough behavior - know that you are SO not alone.
My number five lesson is to start your day with ONE WORD that describes the person you want to be.
I started this practice when I purchased the High Performance Planner created by Brendon Burchard. Each day you pick one word that will describe the kind of person you want to be for that day. It sets your intention for the day. If you follow me on IG or have seen my IG stories then you’ve seen me share my one word each day.
It’s a great way to start your day on a positive note. And it’s empowering to know that you get to be whatever you chose. It also helps you define the kind of person you want to be and then you can always redirect yourself back to that word.
Today I picked influential as my ONE WORD. I want to be a positive influence for those around me. I want to also influence my own thoughts in a way that encourages me and fills my mind with hope and belief.
You see how it can be a great practice to put into place?
Well there you have it, my top five lessons in 2019. Some were very unexpected lessons but very important nonetheless. To recap, I learned that …
- You are in control of who you allow to influence you.
- Take a chance on yourself - be scared but don’t allow yourself to talk you out of it.
- Moments are memories. Experience more.
- Threenager life is real but so are hugs.
- Start the day with one word that describes the person you want to be.
Thanks for tuning in. If you’ve enjoyed listening, be sure to spread the word and share with friends and family. From my heart to yours - sending love! ♥︎